Huh?!

27th November 2006

Walking through Nottingham the other day, I happened to catch a very small part of conversation between three girls. I wasn’t hanging around listening in, just walking past them. I was actually walking quiet quickly as is usually the case when I go into the city. Later on I remember wishing I had walked slower so as to hear much more of this particular conversation. However I hate venturing into the God forsaken place that is TOWN. Especially on this occasion as it was Easter week and all the little shits were off school and taking up otherwise useful space, and using much needed air and food.

(Am I the only person who thinks kids should wear shorts and silly hats much like Billy Bunter? Make ‘em look ridiculous so they will be shamed into keeping quiet and not getting in anybody’s way. Keep them dressed like this permanently (or at least until they’re 18). I’m really sick of kids who behaving like adults, towards adults, and then if you were to treat the little bastards like an adult e.g. with a smack in the mouth, they’d run crying to mummy and daddy looking like butter wouldn’t melt.) For more on kids see my tribute to the greatest prophet of all time, “Bill Hicks”

Anyway, to get back to the point. These three girls past me on the street and the only snippet of their conversation I heard was,

“ I’m just gonna have to go to bed with a padlock on my knickers!”

What!?

How juicy was that conversation.

What about the poor bastard that thought he was getting some that night only to find the metaphorical padlock on his girls pants!

Why do women think this way?

If it was her boyfriend she was talking about, just don’t let him come over!

If it was her husband, divorce him don’t torture him!

It left me imagining so many scenarios. I even dreamt about it!

So now, not only do I have to wander the city, going to every clothing shop, to find a style of jeans that are no longer in fashion (only bought them eight frickin’ weeks ago!), it seems I have to wear ear plugs to protect my sanity, blinkers to avoid other peoples irritation children, bloody beggars and charity workers, and a straight jacket to avoid going to prison for twatting the next cheeky little Fucker that gets in my face.

Think I’ll shop on-line from now on.

Thanks for listening, I need the therapy!

Gray